The outpouring love & support I’ve received has made me realize I’m more than my accomplishments and gymnastics which I never truly believed before. -Simone Biles
I gave up my struggle with perfection a long time ago. That is a concept I don’t find very interesting anymore. Everyone just wants to look good in the photographs. I think that is where some of the pressure comes from. Be happy. Be yourself, the day is about a lot more. -Anne Hathaway
Dear Writers,
Writers, ever since I was about 11 years old, I have been having a recurring dream. I call it the 99% dream.
In the dream, a fairy or magician visits me and grants me 99% perfection. Sometimes, it’s in gymnastics. Or tennis. Sometimes, it’s for singing on Broadway. (Note: all things I am not good at.) In my dream, the performance begins, and I AM AMAZING. Absolutely perfect. I stay asleep, enjoying the moment, until the VERY SECOND when I am responsible for the performance. Then I wake up in a cold sweat.
I have never once dreamed the last one percent–the part where I must perform without the magic.
Sometimes, this makes me sad. Like it says something bad about me. Like I have disappointed myself.
Too much pressure can skew everything.
But it’s not always terrible.
Sometimes, pressure feels like adrenaline–it means the stakes are high. Sometimes, it is just the manifestation of how deeply we care. I am a big believer in big dreams–in reaching outside your comfort zone.
But I am NOT for thinking that way if it takes away the joy. And I think it’s dangerous to define success in only one way. In my dream, perfection is the only standard. That isn’t real. In real life, I pride myself on my willingness to fail. As Simone showed us: we ARE so much more than our medals, our books, our accomplishments.
So: How can we control pressure before it makes us tighten up and even panic? How can we quiet the dissenting voices that add stress and unhappiness to our creative lives? How can we stop telling ourselves that we have no business getting into the arena?
There are no easy answers. But let’s start with this:
How do YOU define success?
Take the case of Isaiah Jewett, a runner who was inadvertently tripped and fell during his race. But he got up and along with the other injured runner, finished the race.
He said: “I’m super blessed because not a lot of people got to be here. I have to live in that moment, not the moment that just happened…I’m able to go on to this stage and show you guys that this is me. That’s what I want to continue to do, to show who I am. If it wasn’t today, I’ll try again tomorrow. That’s not going to stop me from trying to be a hero.”
Yes. Sometimes, we stumble. Sometimes, we have to take a step back. We, too, must pick ourselves up. We must constantly redefine what success looks like. (Finishing that race was joyful–the spirit of the competition.)
During this very long, very scary year, many of us had a hard time writing. Others had a hard time reading. We felt pressure to overachieve–to always be brave and grateful and positive. We berated ourselves for not being great at everything all the time when we should have been congratulating ourselves for acknowledging our limits and taking care of ourselves.
Writers, it takes great courage to ask for what you need, to step back. To say no. To say I cannot do this. But to make room for creativity, sometimes, this is exactly what we must do. We must listen to ourselves. We must be kind to ourselves. We must stop rushing and racing and hoping for something faster. There are going to be sad days. Scary days. Days filled with doubt. We know this. We must remember that we are more than our accomplishments, more than our deals, our word count, our next steps.
When we need space, we don’t need to apologize to anyone.
Are you ready to reach? Stretch? Groan? Embrace the power of play?
What do you do when you feel under extreme pressure?
When I am feeling stressed, I try something I don’t think I will ever be good at–so NO expectations. So, failure is no surprise. (Except golf. That game is totally aggravating.)
For me, working without expectations can mean writing in a genre I’ve never tried before. Or drawing! Sometimes it means taking a walk (without the phone). Or turning off social media.
Today, take this to the journal. Think about what triggers this pressure. What can you do to lessen it? (How about read a funny book? Or phone a friend and talk about something other than publishing.)
When you do something for purposes of FUN and exploration, the pressure melts away. You forget about product. You remember that the feelings of accomplishment come from the process, the exploration, the digging to find more. That doesn’t mean there won’t be failing. Failure is probably the most predictable part of every step in our field. But it doesn’t have to bench us.
Writers, in honor of Simone, let’s honor our boundaries, our needs, our strengths. Let’s play with patience and humor. Take the pressure off the docket. Instead, let’s make a practice of approaching our goals with honesty and humility, so we can also find our voices and even happiness.
Talking about the three C’s: creativity, curiosity, and community is my jam! If you want to be part of the conversation, let’s connect!